and i wonder...

if im thinking about you...i wonder if that means im on your mind too. and if i am...are we thinking the same things?  simultaneously wondering what each other is doing, thinking, feeling....does it mean that we miss each one another? i often wonder if anyone will 'get me' the way you did....doubtful.  not sure that kind of thing can be repeated in a lifetime.  glad it happened with you though.  and with that being said, does that mean i will forever be misunderstood because you beat them to it?  will an over-sized question mark reside over my head (metaphorically speaking of course) and only fade away in the presence of you?  if so, i wonder if anyone will ever get you either?  the way i did...fit the way we fit...talk our talk, dance our dance, sing our songs.  is it even possible to have the love of a lifetime....twice? maybe....if when we die we are reincarnated into who we were 3 years ago (nearly to the day)...and i wonder if that was possible would we love each other doubly deep and twice as thick?  and i cant help but wonder.........

elle-oh-vee-e

Love is never fickle.  It is thick like brick walls and morning fog....conquering and fearless.... it is the existence of passion and lack of regret.  Love is that which makes us human.  (random thought)

its not you, its me.

i couldnt resist the cliche because it so accurately illustrates my state of mind.  its not you, its me.... well really....it was girlfriend X.....she instilled this bitter emotion deep in my roots and here i stand stuck with the residue of love on my tongue.  ive tried gargling with anger and rinsing with tequila, but still it stains my memory like red wine.  she is the red lipstick on my collar that i couldnt wash clean...and of course the easy resolution would be to try on a new shirt, toss the red lipped one aside and shape a new style....but i keep it tucked away in the back of my drawer.  i find myself pretending to forget that i still have it....i look where its hidden for something when in reality i yearn for the glimpse of that full red lip print....like just one glance and my world will be right side up again.  silly of me to think that would fix my world right?

its not you, its me....
so please dont take offense, just know that i am saving you from any future of wasting your time, smart ass remarks, canceled dates, stories about her and your own tear soaked pillows.  sounds harsh, i know sorry about that.  dont take it personally.....because really, its not you, its me.



*originated sometime after a lifetime of break-ups