as soon as you try to define it, the essense and raw elegance of love is lost in translation.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Women
Okay, let me set the scene for you...
ME - sitting on the floor in my living room...my BFI cookin up a storm in the kitchen,
I'm watching CSI and during a commercial break, I look down below my TV and to the right just a little.... and there they are... I Love Female Orgasm and Sextrology.
Now, I am pretty comfortable with my sexuality. I know my body inside and out and I know what feels good,great,fabulous etc. I know what I want and I love when I get it. But looking over at those books , so casually placed in my living room I realized that I truly have nothing to hide and I have a pride in who I am. I love women. I love their soft skin, sexy voices, long hair...I love the feminine curves of my girl's waistline, I love how when a woman gets out the shower, her soft scent carries through the house, lingering down the hallways. I love their touch, their taste...I love their reactions to my taste and my touch. I love their playfulness, cuddling,giggles, I love how they love me. I love being understood without having to explain.
I was the last person in the world that people thought would become a lesbian. Back in the day, I was boycrazy... I admit. I alwas noticed the cutest guys, and then dated them, got bored and moved onto the next. In college, I played ball, partied with my team mates, and dated a star basketball player on the boys squad. Yes it was all very love and basketball. And then, almost overnight, it ended. And I was so intrigued by women that I had to learn all that I could. I had to experience and understand and indulge in the essence of a woman.
All my life, I have had a very open mind. I am a little different from other people, bi-racial giant lol. I sing, dance, act like a clown for other people's entertainment, write,paint,hoop,design,blah blah blah. Where I am getting at is that I have always been accepting of different lifestyles and ideas. I am the kind of person who would research the hell out of something to learn everything about it and understand all there is to understand. When I would see women holding hands in public, I was not a kid who stared, I was the kid who smiled and waived. One must have an open mind to gain ground anywhere in anything.
I guess my point is...my sexuality never really surprised me. I have always been very open and expressive, maybe even passionate to a flaw. So, when I kissed a girl for the first time...it didnt surprise me that my knees got weak, and my heart burst out of my chest. I guess, I was just so happy to finally have learned and studied and observed enough to know that I found where I fit.
Is this me?
Aries people have a tendency to leap before looking and to take risks that shock more cautious types. This is a very physically courageous sign, so it is not surprising that many Aries people gravitate toward risky professions such as the military, the police force, stunt work, sports, rescue work and racecar driving. Aries people are also emotionally courageous to the point of recklessness and will change their entire lives on a whim in order to follow some dream or romantic inclination.
Accident-Prone and Impulsive
Aries people are accident-prone, not because they are clumsy but because they move quickly and impulsively. Aries people like to drive fast and many have an interest in extreme or high-impact sports. Aries people crave the adrenaline rush of novelty and will often take unnecessary risks in order to achieve it.
Mechanically Inclined
The sign of Aries is associated with engines, and many people with the sun, moon or ascendant in Aries are good with anything that has a motor. Many Aries people are drawn to professions or pastimes that involve driving or flying.
Pioneering and Entrepreneurial
Aries people are pioneering and entrepreneurial, willing to go to new places, try new things and start new projects. They often have trouble with authority and do better as their own bosses. They are good at self-promotion, which ensures that many succeed in their own businesses.
Aries people are not particularly suited to detail work and prefer to implement big plans or start things and have others fill in the details. They are good at coming up with creative ideas on the spot but may have trouble sustaining the effort to follow through with their plans unless the ascendant or moon is in an Earth sign (Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn) or in the water sign of Cancer or Scorpio. Aries people have very low boredom thresholds and can lose interest in things quite easily. Thus, a career must provide lots of change, social interaction and excitement or the Aries will want to move on.
High Energy and Athletic Ability
Most Aries people have loads of energy, which they need to burn off continuously through physical activities and socializing. They are competitive by nature and usually have an aptitude for athletics, either team sports or solitary fitness activities. Most also enjoy watching sports and other physical displays such as dance, skating, skiing or other fitness activities that require movement and coordination. There is usually a particularly strong draw toward martial arts with this sign.
Extroverted and Friendly
Aries is a very sociable sign. Aries people like to be around other people most of the time and seek out novel and exciting situations. They prefer people who challenge them intellectually and compete with them in some way, and they quickly grow bored and irritated with homebodies and cautious, timid types.
Impatient and Combative
Aries people think fast, move fast and talk fast (many of them are chatterboxes). They are not very patient, particularly with slow moving, slow speaking people. In fact, Aries is the least patient sign of the zodiac.
Aries people are forceful and even aggressive when pursuing what they want, and willing to charge head first into conflict. They prefer to deal with problems immediately, head on, and will rarely avoid confrontation. This leads them to poke at and provoke some of the more avoidant types until they can implement some sort of catharsis in interpersonal situations. Aries people often have little respect for those who can’t put up a good fight.
Honest to the Point of Rudeness
Aries people tend to be honest and forthright, almost to a fault at times. They are not subtle, and they have terrible tempers that are easily set off, though they are also quick to forgive. They often say and do things rashly that cause strife in their interpersonal relationships. A lack of tact can create problems. When bored, Aries people may pick fights simply to entertain themselves and fulfill their subconscious need for conflict.
Altruistic
The Aries paradox is a strange combination of selfishness and generosity. Aries people can be self-absorbed and self-centered at times, but this is also one of the most altruistic signs, and Aries people are usually quick to help those in need, even at great personal cost and risk. This, combined with the Aries propensity to take risks, leads many Aries people into the rescuing professions such as firefighter, paramedic, peacekeeper or coast guard.
Aries people may turn their desire to help in another direction and get into the idealistic side of politics, working to change the system from within. Most Aries people have a strong interest in politics, though this may take the form of argument rather than action.
Youthful and Idealistic
Aries people tend to be fun, lively, playful and youthful. Many look younger than their chronological ages and most retain some childlike qualities throughout adulthood, both physically and psychologically.
Despite the emotional courage of this sign, Aries people are surprisingly sensitive and eager to please. Though they can be pushy and domineering or controlling at times, they are also idealistic, trusting, and in great need of reassurance. Aries people can be quite naïve, and others may take advantage of this.
Naturally Optimistic
Aries people do nothing by half-measures. Anything they choose to do, they do fully and completely. They are stubborn and generally refuse to accept defeat, even long after a situation has become untenable. They rarely stay down for long though, as this is a naturally optimistic sign that bounces back quickly from misfortune and strife. Aries people have a way of coming out on top in most situations.
Accident-Prone and Impulsive
Aries people are accident-prone, not because they are clumsy but because they move quickly and impulsively. Aries people like to drive fast and many have an interest in extreme or high-impact sports. Aries people crave the adrenaline rush of novelty and will often take unnecessary risks in order to achieve it.
Mechanically Inclined
The sign of Aries is associated with engines, and many people with the sun, moon or ascendant in Aries are good with anything that has a motor. Many Aries people are drawn to professions or pastimes that involve driving or flying.
Pioneering and Entrepreneurial
Aries people are pioneering and entrepreneurial, willing to go to new places, try new things and start new projects. They often have trouble with authority and do better as their own bosses. They are good at self-promotion, which ensures that many succeed in their own businesses.
Aries people are not particularly suited to detail work and prefer to implement big plans or start things and have others fill in the details. They are good at coming up with creative ideas on the spot but may have trouble sustaining the effort to follow through with their plans unless the ascendant or moon is in an Earth sign (Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn) or in the water sign of Cancer or Scorpio. Aries people have very low boredom thresholds and can lose interest in things quite easily. Thus, a career must provide lots of change, social interaction and excitement or the Aries will want to move on.
High Energy and Athletic Ability
Most Aries people have loads of energy, which they need to burn off continuously through physical activities and socializing. They are competitive by nature and usually have an aptitude for athletics, either team sports or solitary fitness activities. Most also enjoy watching sports and other physical displays such as dance, skating, skiing or other fitness activities that require movement and coordination. There is usually a particularly strong draw toward martial arts with this sign.
Extroverted and Friendly
Aries is a very sociable sign. Aries people like to be around other people most of the time and seek out novel and exciting situations. They prefer people who challenge them intellectually and compete with them in some way, and they quickly grow bored and irritated with homebodies and cautious, timid types.
Impatient and Combative
Aries people think fast, move fast and talk fast (many of them are chatterboxes). They are not very patient, particularly with slow moving, slow speaking people. In fact, Aries is the least patient sign of the zodiac.
Aries people are forceful and even aggressive when pursuing what they want, and willing to charge head first into conflict. They prefer to deal with problems immediately, head on, and will rarely avoid confrontation. This leads them to poke at and provoke some of the more avoidant types until they can implement some sort of catharsis in interpersonal situations. Aries people often have little respect for those who can’t put up a good fight.
Honest to the Point of Rudeness
Aries people tend to be honest and forthright, almost to a fault at times. They are not subtle, and they have terrible tempers that are easily set off, though they are also quick to forgive. They often say and do things rashly that cause strife in their interpersonal relationships. A lack of tact can create problems. When bored, Aries people may pick fights simply to entertain themselves and fulfill their subconscious need for conflict.
Altruistic
The Aries paradox is a strange combination of selfishness and generosity. Aries people can be self-absorbed and self-centered at times, but this is also one of the most altruistic signs, and Aries people are usually quick to help those in need, even at great personal cost and risk. This, combined with the Aries propensity to take risks, leads many Aries people into the rescuing professions such as firefighter, paramedic, peacekeeper or coast guard.
Aries people may turn their desire to help in another direction and get into the idealistic side of politics, working to change the system from within. Most Aries people have a strong interest in politics, though this may take the form of argument rather than action.
Youthful and Idealistic
Aries people tend to be fun, lively, playful and youthful. Many look younger than their chronological ages and most retain some childlike qualities throughout adulthood, both physically and psychologically.
Despite the emotional courage of this sign, Aries people are surprisingly sensitive and eager to please. Though they can be pushy and domineering or controlling at times, they are also idealistic, trusting, and in great need of reassurance. Aries people can be quite naïve, and others may take advantage of this.
Naturally Optimistic
Aries people do nothing by half-measures. Anything they choose to do, they do fully and completely. They are stubborn and generally refuse to accept defeat, even long after a situation has become untenable. They rarely stay down for long though, as this is a naturally optimistic sign that bounces back quickly from misfortune and strife. Aries people have a way of coming out on top in most situations.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Summer Summer Summer Time!
SUMMMMMMER TIIIIME!!!!Needless to say, I am a little amped about the summer time approaching. Even though I have this semester off from school, the summer vacation is still very exciting for me. My friends are finishing up their finals, and of course looking for something to do to celebrate finishing out the school year. So, in my free time I have managed to get about a TRILLION of my friends to come out and float with me down the Salt River. I went a few times last summer and have stories to tell still! It was soo much fun and I am so ready to dip my toes in the water and hang out with my close friends. The river opens this Saturday...
and I cant wait!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
must have! (dresses NOT the girl)
i was online window shopping and soooo badly want these two dresses....anyone out there wanna get me a belated birthday dress ????<3
Sunday, April 19, 2009
:One night stand:
Through the lights, the crowd, the noise...we met from a distance. I felt you move in me before I knew you. I loved you before I kissed you. I promised my life to you before saying hello. Stranger from across the room...determined to hear you, smell you, touch you. Discover the depths of you, get lost in you, never wanting to be found. Motivated to learn every part of you. Is there any room for me? At that moment, my feet planted to the ground...my eyes found yours and allowed for me to dream of living in your skin. The ground shifted somehow bringing you and I close enough to inhale your exhale. And as I filled my lungs with you, you swam through my body, head to toe, colliding with the butterflies which were birthed in my belly when our glances met...and their fluttering made my heart race...and in my mind, the room drew silent and all the music that I needed was the song our heartbeats played. The lights dimmed and it was only me and you, our song, our love affair in public. The pulsing of your heart throbbed in me, massaging every muscle in my body, letting me slip into a coma of desire.... made love to me You were alive in me. And as quickly as I fell into that trance, I blinked. The music was deafening, the lights blinding and you were gone. I never knew you, but it was a beautiful
one night stand.
sky high
please, sweep me off my feet and carry me up sky high into the blue. i want to fly away on the wings of my imagination and drift into my daydreams where smiles are permanent and hearts are mended...not broken. where the sun kisses my skin gently and warms me like your love did. a place where the water is always "just right".....where the stars glisten, sparkle and twinkle simultaneously as if its just for my eyes to witness. i want to slip away into a fantasy turned reality where everyday is the best day of my life. my heart believes that this place exists...my body wills me to make it there...but my mind knows better. so instead, i soar into the depth of my crisp white sheets of paper and dig deep with my black ink until my mind,body, and heart are all feeling the very same satisfaction...my sky high
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Sirens!
I have never had a huge issue with the police. I was pulled over one time back in the day when I was driving back to NAU from my first girlfriend's house in south Phoenix to make it to team study hall. I was given a ticket for speeding, which I was definitely doing. I accepted the responsibility, paid my fine and went about my business. I have never needed to call the police for any reason. I will admit that when driving, even when doing absolutely nothing wrong, if there is a white and black police car behind, I am constantly checking my rear view mirror...making sure his lights aren't flashing in my direction. I don't know if I get nervous because I know that they can pull me over regardless, or if the whole idea of authority looming closely behind me, either way my heart races just a little bit. Well today, today is a different story....Time to express some anger! Woke up this morning (several times before actually getting up out of bed)...got dressed..dropped my BFI off at work and jumped back onto the freeway to head to my job. As always, there is some kind of car accident on the I10 (another issue I have, WHY OH WHY do people have to slow down and stare at effin accidents? WHY??!??! It's just a damn fender-bender aaaahhhhh!!) So I am on the freeway, creepin' by slowly. Called my job to give them a head's up that I am running late. All of the sudden my car starts to drive differrent. I am in the far left lane, so I merge into the HOV lane and then to the emergency shoulder of the freeway to check my tires. Thankfully all 4 are good, so I get back into the car, get into the HOV lane to then merge back into the miserable traffic. It took me a little while to actually get back into the regular lane, and as soon as I do, a motorcycle cop pulls me over! He comes up to my window and asks me what I am doing in the HOV lane. I explained my situation, and guess what?? He didn't give a damn! Why do they even ask if it makes no difference to them? So the jerk wrote me a damn ticket, how much was it you ask? Oh just $388.00, no biggie. So, not only was I 30 minutes late to work, but I had the pleasure of dealing with a jerk and awarded a ridiculous ticket.
**** I am fighting it, TRUST ME!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
.cubicle.
Yep...it's Easter Sunday, and I am stuck at work staring at the 3.5 walls of my little, boring cubicle. You would think that I would be used to it by now, I have worked here for about a year and a half. Same thing, day in and day out...so in my spare time I doodle to pass the miserable moments of my 8 hour shift. I have dressed it up nicely with the bright colors brought to me by Crayola markers and family photos that I have hung up. I guess it makes it feel a little less like prison and more like ummmm...no it still feels like prison, but with pretty colors :)
Friday, April 10, 2009
"Blahness"
I am feeling....hmm a little to the left today. Not quite sure what it is...I can't blame it on the weather, because it has been refreshing for me. I think that it just might be my state of mind, which I don't really know what that is either right now. So, I guess that I am just at square one. I have caught myself drifting off, getting wrapped up in my thoughts, but I can't really remember what they were. Today passed me by and I felt like a zombie, incapable of feeling, just in a mood of "blahness". Still dealing with writer's block so I can't even escape the doldrums and run free in my imagination. Today felt like forever, and STILL it's only 8:22. I'm just going to sit out on my balcony and maybe the wind will whisk me away...wish me luck.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Dear Aries...
So, a few good friends of mine have started blogs and I have been verbally comitting to starting my own for a long time now. This morning I wabbled my way through getting ready for work (exhausted)...successfully made it with a few minutes to spare, signed in and checked out my horoscope for the day. Don't get me wrong, I don't base every life decision off of what the MSN.com scope section tells me day to day, but I thought that this was a little hint to finally start a blog...
Apr 09, 2009
Don't be surprised if you wake up this morning and leap out of bed with a spark of inspiration that wasn't there the night before, dear Aries. Let your nighttime dreams linger a bit before you consciously face what is going on in your everyday world. This flash of genius is likely to strike quickly and unexpectedly, so keep an eye out for it, but don't consider it something that you can plan on or force into happening.
So... there you have it. My first blog entry...welcome and enjoy :)
Apr 09, 2009
Don't be surprised if you wake up this morning and leap out of bed with a spark of inspiration that wasn't there the night before, dear Aries. Let your nighttime dreams linger a bit before you consciously face what is going on in your everyday world. This flash of genius is likely to strike quickly and unexpectedly, so keep an eye out for it, but don't consider it something that you can plan on or force into happening.
So... there you have it. My first blog entry...welcome and enjoy :)
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