Grip

I live in the absense of you...as if I'm stretching myself to fill the void you created when you walked away so easily. And in this black hole that has developed and managed to completely smother me with loneliness I dwell. I sit in wait, twirl my hair, count sheep to fall asleep. Back and forth I pace until I lose track of what day it is. Because you robbed me of my common sense. My ability to distinguish good from bad...left from right.....I'm dizzy. And as I pace back and forth, forth and back my legs buckle and I tire from this journey that I have unwillingly embarked ..it started out as a journey to search for you, for your love and your touch....and along the way I lost me. Who am I? Who am I without the existance of you? I am this person, this being walking thru each day...a robotic routine....wake, work, sleep........tired from the emptiness of myself that stained my pillows with tears and marked my body with scars of you being ripped from me. its like....knowing ahead of time that you would leave didnt lighten the pain, but forced me to recognize and carry the knowledge that this was just a limited time offer....a take it while you can get it oppurtunity. So i did....i grabbed a hold of you with no intentions of letting go.....made it up my mind that this brief moment would evolve. that you would evolve, that i would evolve....that it would be a "we" .... an "us"....one. You, I hold on so tightly....my knuckles white,sweat surfacing in the creases of my life line and my love line of my palms....dampening this "awe" ...this infatuation....this thing that i have for you.....this thing. this unsure, unstable, completely hazy, baffeling, puzzling, amazing, magnificent, beautifully brand new thing. Walk away....i wont, i cant....walking away from you...this brief window of this thing....walking away from this intrigue and curiousity and fascination is walking away from desire and dream come trues. So, my palms sweat between my love lines and life lines....my knuckles whiten and cramp....but i hold on