Lacking that emotional stability your love once provided….instead tipping sideways wondering where the time went. The breeze blowing through the hole you left behind when you took my heart hostage, sending a chill down what remains of my contorted spine. No longer able to stand up straight, I am now responsible for carrying the weight of hurt, heartache and regret bundled on my back, their claws ripping into me, making sure there isn’t a moment that I forget what happened. I wish it away, pray it away, will it away…but there it is, constricting me. Wearing me down while I wear it like a scarlet letter. F for failure. Or maybe its S for stupid. I can come up with more, but I think you get the idea.
Im not entirely sure if I agree with the saying “its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all” because this shit hurts. Losing hurts…its like dying and being stuck in limbo. Not able to move forward because you are so hopeful of having what you did. Walking through days, not knowing how you got where you are, literally and metaphorically speaking, zombie like… the loving-dead. And when you wake, all you want to do is sleep, and when you sleep all you want to do is silence your dreams, black them out so that you don’t see or hear or feel with your mind what your body misses. And when you dream, you rather it be a nightmare to scare you into reality, just to make you want to sleep again….twisted cycle. Love is a sick joke…I would kill to laugh in it again.
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