.lost.

usually when people are lost, they are in unfamiliar places.  foreign territory that they don't understand, frightened that they can't find their way out.  but me, i am lost in my own mind, my home.  heartache is not unfamiliar to me, but this time, its dizzying.  even sitting still isnt sitting still anymore.  life is spinning me in circles and twisting me in shapes im not meant to bend to.  lost in darkness when the sun is out.  confused with answers i am given, filled with questions i dont understand.  falling behind in my future, keeping me trapped in the past.  my tears cry sideways in this place, my sighs are silent because they won't be heard anyway.  locked away, shut out, and forgotten.  easily replaced by faces, drinks, noises.  i am tucked away where i can't be released from.  hidden away in a memory, a series of moments that cease to exist.  lost in a world with only one resident, me.  no tourists, no visitors.  just me alone, wandering in open spaces, reaching with my arms hoping some piece of my old reality will grab a hold of me and pull me back into happiness.  extending my arms as far and wide as they can stretch, shoulders are sore from reaching out days at a time with no luck of capture.  i dont want to believe what my mind tells me, but i remain trapped here because no one wants to find me.  its hard to tell the days apart in this place, the only thing i know is that when the sun lowers itself from the sky, and meets with the moon its another day lost.