idk

idk...i dunno...i dont know!
i am spinning in triangles, because circles are too easy. i have my feet planted on the sky and my hands straight up reaching for the grass. wait, backwards....no thats about right. crawling through chaos, misunderstood...overstand me, understand me...listen. i need me, i need to know me, be me, love me, free me! grabbing at things with my toes, cant catch shit! my hands dont work like they used to...cant seem grasp anything...butterfinger type shit (metaphorically speaking).
drowning in the sunshine, gasping for air at the bottom of my cute little wine glass. lick it clean.

im thinking....thinking...i figure i should introduce myself by spelling my existance out to you. dont miss a letter, a comma, a period....its priceless. i am everything that you can live without, but hope that you chose not to. i am everything that you arent....maybe one day you will allow me to complete you...no no probably not. i am. i am insecure because of my self-cruelty...please please no pity though. i know that i do it. im trying to be more self rather than the cruel part....give me time.

lets take a vacation! come dance with me on the water...no music. dance and sing... silently, feel it. no matter what we do, we are imperfectly on beat. let me jazz it up with stillness.

idk. i dunno. i dont know!!!
eyes dont twinkle at the mention of me, they just shift elsewhere. smiles dont sparkle, they dissapear. hearts dont race! they ....calm "ahhh"
no adrenaline rush...butterflies dont flutter....they flop.
dont they? thats what i think anyway.

let me stop rambling....
ill just keep my feet on the sky and my hands reaching for the grass
and maybe one day that will make sense.