recall.

i lick my lips and i taste yours...
yes i still remember what they taste like, how could i forget...why would i want to?
i still remember what you do when you try to fall asleep, and how cute you are in the middle of trying to remember a thought....how your anxiety would make you jittery and how you couldnt make coffee for me but tried anyway time and time again because you know i gotta have it.  i remember how much you forget...and thats where we balance. 


(unfinished...in more ways than one)

postcard to love

love,
where have you been? ive traveled the length of my life to find you. had you in my grasp and you slipped away...shattering the being that i had become because of you.  i brushed away the broken pieces where i was sure you would be hiding, and in the corners of my mind i thought i felt you there, no pun intended.  is this your version of hide-and-seek? if it is, i surrender.  i wave the white flag to you love and forfeit all of me.  grounding my feet right where i stand, unwavering and certain that love is where i want to spend every breath.  where memories are created on top of memories already existing, so many that we have stories to fill a lifetime.  so much love that it spills over into lives of strangers because we want to share. 



(to be continued)

legitimacy

it stopped meaning something to you, and has continued  to fill me anyway.  so does your lack of it and my abundance even it out to nothing? 

late night diaries deux

melt into me...blur the lines and let us be.
forget the tainted reality and just...... breathe,
remember who we are to be, infinite.
love more pure than Heaven and solid as stone.
though shaped through heartache and mistrust...
our eyes met and hearts beat, synchronized.
love drunk and content with it.
your smell left on my sheets as if its supposed to be there.
your curls wrapped around my fingers
my legs wrapped around your waist.
we fit.






just like you, short&sweet

late night diaries...

its been one of those days/weeks/months where its like I'm just waking up and my eyes are still squinty, vision blurry and I can't quite blink it away.  almost like the answers are right there, on the tip of my tongue and..............they just aren't making sense to me yet.  words slurred because im intoxicated, sloppy with the reality that I endure and cant get sober quick enough before time catches up to me again... not intentionally negative just playing the cards i've been dealt...with no fluffy expectations(hi my name is Jessica and I'm a realist)

i've managed to fall in love, lose it and cling to it anyway, fall in lust with distraction, date liquid courage, have late night affairs with my remote control, cheat on my common sense with my emotional personality, bat my eyelashes at seductive situations, make love to the ideas of past romance, fuck complete strangers with my words, and still end up at home, alone, with my lap top writing late night diary entries to keep me entertained.  is there no such thing as intrigue anymore?  or have I analyzed, observed and compiled every possiblity to find that my mind is tired and my interest is lacking?  impossible. too many possibilities left to discover and destroy and rebuild again.  like a mad scientist in her lab, I plan to forever create until words stop roaming my mind and my lips stop moving (you dont have to like it), producing real shit, the ideas that make you think and wonder "what if"...because you never really know what you are getting into until its too late to turn back... is it wrong for me to say that i enjoy that most?  or typical of my sometimes manic self to climax from the distortion and chaos that is eternal and sometimes unforgiving...?   i would apologize for rambling, but this is the truest illustration of my current state....im an organized chaos.  there are no clear cut explanations for what my mind/heart/soul feel only bits of thought gathered together forming incomplete ideas that are who I am....right now.  and instead of looking for answers, i have gotten quite comfortable in this grey area of uncertainty...nestling myself in its neck, and tasting the sweetness of it which tastes a lot like rum and coke mixed with insecurity and a splash of what now?  no worries though, i have set the pace and i'm right on track for.......

(more) gibb

I'm a rebel in my thoughts, exercising my insanity ... Drastic emotions, fluctuating rapidly...remaining calm on the surface because the world's not ready for me yet.... (Random thoughts)

Another bitter love poem, tears stain the sheets it's written on, with a hint of mascara and dignity...sleeping by ways of crying spells...leading to unsweet dreams waking me before sunrise....swollen eyelids split carefully, salted tears reaching the tip of my lips, my tongue to lazy to taste them away...exhausted from asking why. Why doesn't matter though, the answer won't change the dull throb, it will only bring life to more questions. So ill be quiet now...and listen to myself heal, its therapeutic. (random thoughts)



Forever cannot be proven because none of us will ever be there to see when forever meets eternity...but what I can promise is that I will give you all of my days and hope that will suffice. (Random thoughts)


 
I want to lose my mind, so it's no longer an option to think before I speak...raw truths spilled to insecure ears stab like dull knives...reaching the corners of my internal, spreading like fire through my veins...reminding me of the sting I became all too familiar with...a numbing throb that blends in with weak heartbeats. (Random thoughts)


You have become my favorite weekend vacation...leaving without going anywhere, just relaxing in you. Safe travels and good conversation. You are my gateway to a getaway...and I want to stay there for a while. (Random thoughts)


 
I miss those little things that were big things because she did them...


Its true....you can love someone with all your heart, but sometimes it reaches a point when love isn't enough to keep it going.....(Not so random thought)


 
I have fallen victim to your charming wit and gazing eyes...don't save me from it though, my smile and I like it here...we plan to stay for a while, if that's okay with you. (Random thoughts)


 

gibberish....again

i would love to have you over....hot tea and slow music...windows open so we can enjoy the world and all its smells....before we get close enough to breathe each other in. skin on skin, spark goosebumps and racing heartbeats...warm breath met with moist lips....i would love to have you over.... (random thoughts)



I scowered my vocabulary, got on my hands and knees shuffling through words and phrases....I searched in the deepest corners of my mind and the warmest parts of my heart and couldn't find the words to say to you....so please, can I show you instead?? (random thoughts)


today is the day when the moments flow effortlessly...when sunlight welcomes me into the afternoon as if it waited for me to arrive. mother nature's melodies in my ear coming through my open windows, just loud enough to hear over my flighty humming as i sway my hips and groove with my surroundings. this is where love waits in anticipation for the next chance to fill me. (random thoughts)



And I became new (again)....shedding scars, whole and no longer absent minded because I relocated my common sense and stored it where my heart was....(Random thoughts)


I dive low, below wastelines and hip bones and get high....perfecting the equilibrium that is us. (Random thoughts).


Sometimes I forget what your love tastes like....or maybe I just like when you remind me. (Random thoughts)


You are a movement. An ever changing, always evolving being...and I love to watch you. Move me.(Random thoughts)


I despise the hole you left behind, and I found myself trying to fill it with irrelevant conversations and late night television...but I'm good now, I think. Or atleast my mind is hypnotizing my heart to believe it to be true. That'll do...for now.(Random thoughts)

Thinking deep...floating to the top though...right at the cusp of knowing and uncertainty... (Random thoughts)

Be brief, but take your time....(random thought)

I'm curious to know what you think, but ill never ask, I'm more comfortable with what my imagination has created for us right now... (Random thoughts).Let me know when it's safe to fall again....I hesitate because I just found all the pieces of me. So this time, make sure you catch me. (Random thoughts).